Tuesday, December 19

Mother-in-law in critical condition

Heath, OH – Frank Thompson’s mother-in-law is in town for the holidays and in critical condition, yet again.

“Every year, it’s the same with this woman.” Thompson complained. “She shows up with gifts in hand, all smiles, and then when I ask her to please pass the potatoes, she asks me if I’d mind passing a couple of fucking grandchildren her way. It’s really starting to piss me off.”

Thompson, 38, used to love the holidays, but since he’s been married to Myrla Applethorpe’s daughter, Thanksgivings and Christmases have darn near sucked the life out of him.

“It’s going to be really tough having her here this year, especially since I got laid off in September and haven’t been able to find a job.” Thomson continued, near tears. “Plus, I’m really starting to bald and that bitch is fucking ruthless.”