Heath, OH - Heads turned when George Rice walked through the
doors at the Fraternal Brotherhood of Elks Lodge on Main Street Saturday, and at least one
of those heads vomited.
All week, as George and his compatriots saddled up to the lodge's bar after work, Rice had gone on and on about the “sweet piece of ass” he was bringing to
the corned beef and cabbage buffet fundraiser, organized in honor of dearly
departed brother Richard Stark, 79, may God rest his soul.
“George said he was showing up with a real looker.” Eyewitness
Eddie Petri said. “Hooker was more like it with all that makeup. I’m also pretty sure I saw an Adam’s apple.”
“Ain’t she something’,” George had asked, pointing to her
flat ass as she meandered off to the Ladies Room, dragging one lame high-heeled
foot behind.
“She’s something, alright.” At least 10 guys replied in unison.
“At one point, she bent over to pick up the mustard bottle
that had fallen from the arthritic claw at the end of her right hand,” another stunned partygoer
said. “I’ll never be able to un-see the crack of her bruised white ass.”
