DUBLIN, OH – Eugene Stone, a
chemist at Marysville’s Scotts Miracle-Gro Company, has been conducting
research in his spare time to refute the claim rock band Van Halen made on
track 2 of their classic 1980 album Women
and Children First, “Everybody Wants Some!!”
“For thirty some-odd years
people have been walking around humming this tune thinking it’s true.” Stone
said. “I couldn’t allow such nonsense to be perpetuated any longer.”
After taking a seat in his
office and declining an offer of tea, Stone blurted out, “Aha! You DO NOT WANT SOME tea. Disproven!”
Upon pointing out the ‘some’
the song is referring to is probably sex, Stone blanched.
“Buh ... due to HR restrictions I probably
won’t be able to conduct further research.” Stone said, before gathering his
thoughts. “Wait! Do you want to have sex with me? No? Ha! See? I’m still
right.”
