Grove City, OH — Two weeks ago, Ernie Marks was minding his own business, picking dog shit up in the yard, when he came across a piece of shit so powerful in its image, so pure in its intentions, that it nearly brought a tear to his eye.
The magnificent piece of shit in question, dropped from his dog Buster's ass sometime last week, looked exactly like the Blessed Virgin Mary.
For five minutes, Marks thought about giving the piece of shit a special place of prominence in his own home, perhaps by the crucifix in the hall reuniting the bronze image of Jesus with the dog-shit image of his mother Mary. But then Marks thought about the cinnamon bun he had baked that emerged from the oven in the shape of Mother Teresa, which subsequently fetched $32 on ebay®. He could only imagine what the glorious image of the woman who bore our Lord and Savior in shit form would pull in.
He certainly thought it'd grab more than the $12 "areztips" bid on it just before the auction closed yesterday.
"I consider $12 to be an insult to the faith." Marks said, readying the piece of shit for shipping. "And I think Mary would too. Maybe 'areztips' winning the auction is all part of God's master plan. Maybe this piece of shit will wind up at some orphanage in Guatemala or something and will change the life of some little bastard there. I don't know. Lord works in mysterious ways."