Thursday, June 28

'Suicide/Murder' pact only half successful.

Washington Court House, OH — Gary Lowell, 27, was found shot to death yesterday in his apartment by his own hand, the first-ever victim of an apparent suicide/murder pact.

Lowell took his own life first, but died before he was able to complete the 'pact' by shooting his girlfriend Debbie Erhardt, as originally planned.

Lowell, a 'petroleum service facillitator' at a nearby Speedway gas station, didn't see a bright future for the couple, and had become increasingly despondent and socially withdrawn. So, last Thursday, he purchased a 9 mm handgun from a friend, a few clips, and concocted the plan in which he and his beloved would end their lives, so that they could enjoy "an endless eternity together."

He first approached Erhardt with a suicide/suicide pact, but she told him that she didn't know how to "shoot the shooty-thing." She then encouraged him to change the plan to the suicide/murder version.

"I let him go first, because he was just so eager to end it for us both." Erhardt said with a wry smile. She then described Lowell, her boyfriend of three years, as "not too bright" and "kind of a dumbass."

After she witnessed Lowell's brains decorate the bedspread, Erhardt called 911 and then calmly ordered a pizza.

Authorities contend that Erhardt didn't seem to be too 'into the idea', but was wiling to go along in order to fulfill her boyfriend's wishes.

"He really wanted this. I'm sure he's at peace right now." she told officers on the scene. "As am I."

When pressed about why she was with Lowell in the first place, Erhardt finally added "He had a 11 inch penis and told great knock-knock jokes. But of course, that's all gone now ... darn."