Tuesday, July 3

Serial killer doesn't fit pre-conceived notions of serial-killerism.

Heath, OH — Michael Jay Picard is known by his first, middle and last names. And he's white.

Beyond those two things, the similarities between Picard and the nation's most heinous serial killers end.

Picard's case has befuddled many FBI experts responsible for profiling the likes of John Wayne Gacy and Henry Lee Lucas. "Those guys were easy compared to this one. They fit the bill... You know, loner-types, the quiet ones." said FBI Special Agent in charge of the Picard investigation, Herbert Kellow.

"He was a total motormouth. Runnin' it all the time." said neighbor Ty Seymour, "And he was really frikkin' loud, too! Man, that guy didn't bother to keep to himself... He was always up in everybody's business, a total gossip whore if I ever saw one."

Picard, who has now confessed to 9 murders in the greater Heath area dating from 1995 to 2002 will be arraigned on Friday. A firm court date has yet to be scheduled, but the trial is sure to be a public spectacle.

Even the nature of Picard's victims defied explanation, ranging from the captain of a cruise ship to a jockey, and even a two-time local Golden Gloves champion from the sixties. "He belied the true nature of serial killerism," articulated Kellow, leaving the reporter wondering whether 'serial-killerism' was an actual word.

"He was always so kind to all of the stray animals that roamed the neighborhood." said one of Picard's surprised neighbors, Stephanie Stone. "I remember there was a calico that kept coming around, and it looked sick. He took it in, nursed it back to health, and then held a neighborhood charity auction and raffled off the cat to a family with a disabled boy."

Neighbors also remarked that Picard seemed to have great self-esteem and very little, if any, sexual dysfunction. "He was a playah. How he loved the ladies. Real ones, too, none of them crack-ho prostitute-types you could bash in the head with a concrete block and no one would care they were missing." Seymour elaborated. He also apparently had a wonderful, ongoing relationship with his parents. They visited whenever they had the chance. Seymour felt compelled to end: "I was really shocked that they weren't stuffed in his garage freezer."