That's how local dermatologist Dr. Jay Fasson 'diagnosed' Judy Underwood's mysterious rash on her forehead.
"He really chose not to elaborate about what it might be. I suppose if I wanted a condescending remark, I could've asked my garbageman ... or my husband."
Despite Underwood's misgivings, Fasson sent her away with prescription in hand, one that has apparently quelled the disgusting rash in question. Still, she's not the only patient who wonders about Fasson's lack of specificity.
Fasson's other 'diagnoses' have ranged from "Holy crap" to "ewww" to throwing up in a nearby trash can.
Then again, Fasson doesn't seem himself as your typical dermatologist. Fasson says his unique diagnostic sensibilities stem from his rich commitment to patient care.
"It's all about efficiency, really ... patients really don't care what's wrong with them, they just want to know there's some kind of pill or medicine to take care of it. I like to keep it simple for them."
New patient Laverne Farmer found Fasson's style to be a bit alien and disconcerting.
"One look at this strange festering sore on my abdomen, and all he did was shudder and recoil. Next thing I know, I was checking out of Rite Aid with some kind of mystery salve. I'm beginning to wonder if he's even really a doctor."
Pete Mosco, on the other hand, enjoys Fasson's brevity.
"He gets you in and out. I like that." Mosco then showed our reporter a weeping boil on the side of his neck, to which the reporter replied "Gross."
That's what the doctor said, then he handed me a prescription for ... mar ... zi ... pan?" Mosco squinted, trying to decipher Fasson's stereotypical chicken scratch.
Mosco then headed directly to the bakery, er, pharmacy.
