Pittsburgh, PA – Last week, people all over the world celebrated international Talk Like a Pirate Day and marked the occasion by dropping a few “Avast, me hearties!” and “Ayyy, mateys” on all their friends. So annoying. Some idiots even went so far as to dress like pirates, donning eye patches, crazy hats and silly moustaches. Personally, we’d have preferred to celebrate international Rape and Pillage Like a Pirate Day but nobody asked us.
Anyway, if you’ll suspend belief for just a moment, today is national Talk Like a Pittsburgh Pirate Day. That means, no matter what city you’re in, you may hear things like, “Man, we suck.” We’ll get ‘em next year, guys.” Or “I like playing in this beautiful ballpark but, man, look at all the empty seats!”
And unlike last week’s regular Pirate Day, you probably won’t see too many assholes walking around looking like Willie Stargell or Bill Madlock circa 1979. That’s because it’s not called Dress Like a Pittsburgh Pirate Day, now is it?
If you’d like to participate, feel free. Tell someone you think the club is going to sign you to a lucrative contract extension. And then ask them to stop laughing.
Sister Sledge, bitches! We are Family. At least for today.