“He was so down to earth, you know?” Neighbor John Donnelly recalled. “I suppose you can’t get any more down to earth than what happened to him … except maybe when they lowered his casket those final six feet.”
Slade was president of coal-mining operations for American Electric Power and vice-president of the Conspicuous Consumption Society of America, making his final body-piercing tear through the treetops and subsequent abrupt landing in a field full of daises subtly ironic or something.
An eyewitness to Sunday’s disaster says he heard a loud “Thwack!” when Slade hit earth. Others claimed to have heard more of a “Splat!” Onomatopoeia aside, Slade was little more than a bag of crushed bones when help finally arrived.
Traces of Slade's body were left to rot in the beautiful field of flowers as justice for his evil, earth-raping ways. No charges have been filed against the skydiving tour operators for the tragedy.
