Tired of life on the road, and the uncertainty of his future, Dupree stumbled upon an idea that could provide employment opportunities for comedians and mean bastards nationwide — he opened the nation's first 'Insultancy. '
The Rickles Agency, named after famed put-down artist Don Rickles, works like a traditional consultancy, but rather than offering businesses marketing or financial advice, the 'insultants' offer cutting put-downs, slams, and snarky repartee to anyone with a passive-aggressive nature and a wallet.
A mere $5,000 provides a client with 5 to 8 minutes of 'devastating material.' Prior to delivery, customers fill out a detailed survey which provides the case Insultant with a wide range of information about the 'target.' The insultant then compiles a list of potential put-downs, categorized by length and shock value.
Dupree's first job is brainstorming some ideas for Worthington Industries' corporate roast of Vice President of Human Resources, Dan Twibell.
Twibell, who thinks he's just being treated to 'dinner' at Eddie Merlot's this Saturday night, is one ripe for good-natured ribbing. Twibell, 38, tips the scales at 363 pounds and looks as if his body is immune to Vitamin D. Those characteristics alone gave Dupree a staggering amount of material for the roast.
Upon seeing the words "the roast" in this article, Twibell licked his lips and muttered "mmmmmm."
Some of Dupree's suggested "comments" for those on hand to roast Twibell:
- Hey Dan, here's a hint: Prime Rib? Not an appetizer.
- It's nice to see Dan grow metaphysically instead of just physically, for once.
- Dan's so white, David Duke has a shrine to Dan Twibell in his bedroom.
- Dan works nights and weekends at the drive-in theater. As the screen.
- Even Dan's muffin top has a muffin top.
- I didn't realize they made human-sized marshmallow peeps.
- Dan's gut has more rolls than Charo playing a rousing game of Red Rover, Red Rover with Robert Reich and Ryan Reynolds.
- Dan's house is really nice. It's got a gourmet kitchen, a cafeteria, and a smorgasbord.
- Dan's skin has more folds than a celebrity poker tournament.
