Reynoldsburg, OH — Local blogger and amateur historian Griffin Montgomery is putting the finishing touches on a blog post he’s sure will open the door to a wealth of professional opportunities. “When the academic community gets a hold of this post," Montgomery boasted, "they’re going to throw all kinds of grant money my way.”
The post, scheduled to hit the World Wide Web late next week, argues that Catherine the Great sucked, and that she actually gave “The Great" moniker to herself.
“Catherine was unwilling to use terror or force to transform society.” Montgomery explained. “She chose a more patient path, hoping to gradually raise the level of culture by legislation, education, and example. Sorry. That shit’s not good enough. And it's certainly not “great."
Montgomery will concede that Catherine was probably really great in the sack. “She was quite the whore. And everyone knew it. If she were a man, though, there would have been high fives exchanged throughout the land.”
What about the facts, though? Didn’t Catherine add some 200,000 square miles to the territory of the Russian empire?
“Look,” Montgomery pleaded, sweat beading on his brow. “This bitch solidified her position by awarding supporters with high government positions and grants of land, money and serfs. That’s not great. That’s standard operating procedure. That’s, at best, mediocre.”
