Monday, May 21

Gay National Anthem chosen.

San Francisco, CA — (FNS) Do you believe in life after love?

That's the question homosexuals across the nation are asking as they celebrated a landmark achievement in civil rights yesterday.

Homosexuals nationwide voted online at from a selection of three songs: Groove is in the Heart by one-hit wonder DeeLite, Believe by homosexual goddess Cher, and I Will Love Again by non-Gay, non-American Celine Dion.

"The breeders have always had it their way. " exclaimed Gay National Anthem project director Doug Royal. "Now it's our turn. Francis Scott Key can kiss my ass!"

Fellow activist Russell Rogers asked "Is this Key guy cute? If so, he can kiss my ass, too!"

When the votes were tallied, Cher's powerful uptempo screed of independence was the clear winner, garnering 56% of the vote. Dion's torch song landed 38% of the vote, and DeeLite corralled just 6%.

"It makes sense that Believe won. I mean, we just have to believe in ourselves and our mission to make this a better country, at least musically." said Royal. "Have you ever tried to dance to the Star Spangled Banner? Honey, I didn't think so."

The event, however, was not free of controversy. The most prominent national lesbian leaders boycotted the event, calling it "exclusionary" and "gayer than shit".

"Cher? Are you shitting me? They might as well wave around a giant, rainbow-colored flag ... oh, uh, wait a minute." said transgender lesbian activist Leslie Feinberg, "There was not one Melissa Etheridge or Indigo Girls song on the ballot. Frankly, I'm disgusted by all of this. They'll jump up and down for joy over this, but it's just another example of this country's long standing acceptance of discrimination."

The rift over such a simple, meaningless gesture could cause problems between gays and lesbians so closely aligned in the struggle for gay rights.

The anthem will be played before most gay sporting events, like NASCAR Truck Series racing and bullfighting.