Powell, OH - The body of George Stanley, 41, was discovered early Saturday morning, pinned beneath his mountain bike at the base of a small tree near Alum Creek, about three hours after leaving the house to get in some exercise.
Mountain biking is really kind of stupid if you think about it, especially if you’re a grown-up.
“There was nothing George despised more than mountain biking.” An occasional neighborhood riding partner said. “And for good reason, I guess. I mean, look … it killed him.”
According to family members, doctors told Stanley to get off his ass and lose some weight or a heart attack was a very real possibility. In retrospect, exercise may have cost him precious years with his beloved wife and five children. Still, they take comfort in the fact that he died doing what he hated most.
“The things he loved would never have killed him. Not directly, anyway.” His wife Connie said through tears. “Poker. Pornography. Dungeons and Dragons. Whittling. When was the last time those things killed anyone?"
County authorities immediately rejected a proposal from Stanley’s friends and family seeking to rename the trail he was on at the time he went ass-over-tea kettle from “Mountain Biking trail” to “The George F. Stanley Mountain Biking Sucks and Can Kill You If You Lose Control and Slam Into Those Trees Mountain Biking Trail.”