Tuesday, November 10

Area man solves dinner theater mystery in "Act F-ing One."

Columbus, OH - Frank Langello, 60, a retired New York City police detective who moved to the area seven years ago to open his own private investigation firm, solved Saturday night’s diner theater murder-mystery almost immediately, effectively ruining the evening for everyone else.

“See this,” Langello said, pointing to his nose. “Imagine it three times its size and red. That’s how plain the evidence was.”

Just after the salads arrived and before anyone knew what was happening, the evening’s hired culprit, Otterbein College theater student Michael J. Smith, found himself face-first on the ground with Langello’s knee planted squarely in the center of his back.

“I did the same thing I always do.” Smith said, rubbing the back of his swollen, hand-wrung neck. “The same things that baffle them time in, time out ... Not this time, apparently.”

After Smith was taken away by two stunned “police officers” who’d never appeared prior to Act 3 before, Langello turned to the crowd and threw his arms up in victory.

He was met with shocked silence.

“Oh, Frank.” Langello’s wife said, shielding her eyes from the stares. "Not again."

Management was forced to issue refunds for half the cost of the show, but we're told the evening wasn't a complete loss. The Prime Rib was excellent, as always.