Tuesday, January 10

Starbucks first-timer orders “Triple Latte Soy Grande.”

Heath, OH - The future actors and musicians working the drive-thru at a local Starbucks had a good chuckle today when area Mormon, Pat Morter, piloted his Nissan Maxima up to the speaker box.

“I’ll have a Triple Latte Soy Grande.” Morter spoke, confidently. “A Triple Grande Soy Latte!?” came the immediate, snarky, disembodied reply, along with some snickers from members of the crew who hadn’t muted their headgear.

Morter would like to point out he was ordering for a passenger in his car, as he is forbidden from sullying the temple of his body with caffeine in accordance with Mormon scripture.

“Some in the Church take that to mean just hot coffee and down Coke and Mountain Dew like the dehydrated heathens they are.” He pointed out, righteously. “I’ll have none of that ... I mean I’ll watch a rated-R movie occasionally when the wife isn’t around, or masturbate. Sometimes simultaneously.”