"There's nothing funny about cancer," Emotional SVP, CCO & CEO Mitch Rooney said, wiping a tear from his eye. "These poor people suffer so much knowing there's a giant life-squeezing tumor hidden inside them, growing and growing. How are you going to make them or their caregivers laugh? "
Funny EVP, CCO Russ Horvet concurred, enthusiastically waving a rubber chicken as he spoke. "If we hadn't bought Emotional, we'd have gone in with the "Your momma's tumor is so big ..." campaign. There's no telling how that would have played out. Emotional was able to give them what they needed--the typical, insert drug name here advertising. You know the kind. The bald woman staring at the camera. The fat lady on the beach with the golden retriever. Shit works every time, but it's devoid of innuendo. Hey, whatever floats your boat."
The TUMORA® win is big for the bottom line of Funny and Emotional's newly formed parent-company Funtional Communications Inc., guaranteed $15 million in annual billings until 2010 when TUMORA® finally goes to market. Experts predict billings will shrink slowly thereafter, like the tumors the drug will attack.
As of press time, Funtional Communications, Inc. had also submitted proposals to acquire Mindless Marketing of Green Bay, Wisconsin, and Inane Communications of Cleveland.
"We're looking to expand our capabilities beyond Funny and Emotional," Funtional EVP, COO, GOD Lane Halter said via company-wide voicemail. "Mindless and Inane are the obvious next step."
