Wednesday, May 17

Area man has gallbladder removed,
seeks handicapped parking privileges.

Heath, OH - The Ledger’s own Andy Conroy had his gallbladder removed in a simple minimally invasive laparoscopic procedure last week, but you’d think he got shot in the fucking Adam’s apple or something.

“Are his fingers broken?” Ledger colleague T. Leach asked when informed of Conroy’s emergency cholecystectomy. “Is he under strict no writing orders or something? Because this would seem to be a prime opportunity to make a few things up.”

The date for Conroy's return to full duty was not immediately known. When finally reached at his home Conroy could only whisper, "It's been touch and go. I'm still a little sufflated. Passing gas and whatnot."

After collapsing back into his La-Z-Boy® recliner, Conroy picked up a dry erase board his wife had given him to ease the burden on his precious vocal cords and wrote, "Give me a few more days weeks."