Friday, July 21

Area housewife forgot to leave some shit
in Vegas.

Heath, OH – Janice Livingston, 45, was thrown out of her Heath home last evening by her longtime husband, Todd, for "forgetting to leave some shit in Vegas," including that goddamn magenta Motorola Razr® 3-megapixel camera phone.

“Janice went to Vegas three weeks ago with her girlfriends,” Todd calmly explained. “I didn’t think much of it at the time. Girls will be girls, right? Wrong.”

A chance rummaging through his wife’s purse made it clear that, occasionally, girls will be more than just girls. They will be girls-on-girls or even girls-on-black dudes.

“I was like, holy shit! Is that Janice with a giant, velvety, black cock in her mouth? I couldn’t fucking believe it. The guy was huge! What was I supposed to do after seeing that, let it slide? Pretend I never saw it? She kisses our children with that black cock-sucking mouth.”

Janice, in her defense, claims innocence by reason of intoxication, a plea the family courts aren’t likely to accept unfortunately, especially considering one key “character witness” is shown in the same series of photographs enjoying a “Hot Carl” and another is shown receiving a rim-job by one of Las Vegas’ many Elvis impersonators.

The Ledger will be following this story closely. Perhaps too closely.