Hey you. Yeah, you, punk.

You borrowed my VHS copy of Crazy People starring Dudley Moore and Darryl Hannah and didn't rewind it.

I thought I'd enjoy some hilarious 'truth in advertising' courtesy of Paramount Pictures home video. But to my chagrin, all I saw on the screen was "filmed in panavision." and the final strains of "The Hello Song."

Apparently, some two-bit scumbag don't know how to work a god-damned VCR.

My first motto is "Live by the sword, die in a hail of bloody hellfire." My second is "Be Kind, Rewind."

I'm sure you'll be able to remember it after I tattoo it to your forehead in lead, you sonofabitch!

I got me a .475 Wildey Magnum long-barreled widowmaker. It's like a viglante's remote control, you no-good punk! But it's only got one button ... death!

I hope you enjoy hell, you scumsucking forgetful sonofabitch, where everything's pay-per-view!


Charles Bronson was an actor/vigilante and is currently guest commentator for The Heath Ledger. You can find out more about his life and viewpoints in his book, "Read My Book, You Sonofabitch!"