Heath, OH - Meredith Jones, a longtime fan of the New York Yankees, traded her 11-year-old son Charlie to the evil empire shortly before yesterday’s 4pm non-waiver trade deadline.
“It was a move I felt I had to make at this time,” Ms. Jones said of the deal. “With Charlie’s father gone, this allows me to get someone in here a little older, a little more responsible. Someone who can take the trash out, do the dishes, that sort of thing. Plus, as you’ll see in 8 or 10 years, it’s going to make my Yankees better.”
Yankee GM Brian Cashman had much to say about his most recent acquisition, a rising prospect in the Heath Youth Baseball and Softball League. “Charlie’s got a plus 40-45 mile-per-hour fastball and a changeup that baffles most 13-year-old hitters. We like his makeup. And his mom is real nice, too.”
Ms. Jones kissed her son on the cheek before shoving him into the back seat of Cashman’s car for the 16-hour trip to extended spring training in Tampa.
“My Yanks are getting a little long in the tooth,” she said, waving as the car roared out of sight. “If not for Philip Hughes the prospect cupboard would be practically bare … This move is for the future.”
For the next decade, Charlie will work out at the Steinbrenner Home for Abused Children Who Want To Learn How to Throw the Curveball (SHACWWLHTC), and share a "clubhouse" with 12 other "prospects."
Charlie is scheduled to take the hill at Yankee Stadium on opening day, 2015.