Tuesday, March 6

Dear Aunt Carol,

I’ve lost my car keys. What should I do?


Key Loser in Bellfontaine.

Dear Loser,

Have you checked under a couch cushion?

Just kidding you!

Seriously, you should call all of your neighbor’s wives. Chances are, if you’re anything like me, they got left in an oversized brandy snifter or a goldfish bowl. Believe you me, misplacing keys after a typical Friday night of Franzia-fueled spouse-swapping is bound to happen sooner or later.

Unless you’re writing this letter from someone else’s den, it’s good to see you made it home that night.

Here’s what I say: Take the day off work, and slink around the neighborhood. Maybe you’ll get lucky in more ways than one!


Aunt Carol

Aunt Carol is a dedicated housewife from a 1970s-era Naperville, Illinois suburb. She appears courtesy of Dan Bruckner Buick (921 State Route 79, Heath, Ohio), her pharmacist, and a time machine.