Tuesday, March 6
Dear Aunt Carol,
I’ve lost my car keys. What should I do?
Key Loser in Bellfontaine.
Have you checked under a couch cushion?
Just kidding you!
Seriously, you should call all of your neighbor’s wives. Chances are, if you’re anything like me, they got left in an oversized brandy snifter or a goldfish bowl. Believe you me, misplacing keys after a typical Friday night of Franzia-fueled spouse-swapping is bound to happen sooner or later.
Unless you’re writing this letter from someone else’s den, it’s good to see you made it home that night.
Here’s what I say: Take the day off work, and slink around the neighborhood. Maybe you’ll get lucky in more ways than one!
Aunt Carol is a dedicated housewife from a 1970s-era Naperville, Illinois suburb. She appears courtesy of Dan Bruckner Buick (921 State Route 79, Heath, Ohio), her pharmacist, and a time machine.
at 8:00 AM