Wednesday, May 30

Carter hands over horse’s ass trophy in quiet rose garden ceremony.

Washington, DC - Jimmy Carter knew it was just a matter of time before a president would come along and fuck things up worse than he did some 30 years ago.

“To be honest,” President Carter reflected. “I thought Clinton would take the title. I guess America doesn’t care about adultery anymore. They will when Jesus comes back, of that you can be certain.”

The missteps of the Carter administration are well chronicled—from stagflation, mental adultery and Sandinistas to boycotts, hostages and that goddamn energy crisis. Those four years of failings, though, pale in comparison to the colossal fuckups of the Bush administration.

Bush inserted a final foot-in-mouth prior to the ceremony in the rose garden when he asked the former president how his long-dead brother Billy was getting along these days.

One thing you can say about George Bush: during his reign the office of the presidency has gone from the job all parents wish for their kids to a job you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy.

“What the hell’s this?” Bush asked, taking the golden ass from Carter’s trembling hands and subtly sniffing the engraved horse’s anus. “This some kind of joke?”