Tuesday, April 28

Chrysler now offering customers Employee Pricing Plus Plus Plus Plus Plus.

Detroit, MI (FP) — Desperate to move inventory off of near-dormant lots, Chrysler announced yesterday a new option in pricing discounts: Employee Pricing Plus Plus Plus Plus Plus. Customers buying new Chrysler, Dodge, and Jeep products will basically get the same price as Chrysler employees plus four other additional discounts which will take the price of the car — depending upon make and model — to all-time lows.

"We're almost paying you to take a piece-of-shit car off our hands, really." offered local Chrysler dealer Ray McCorkle of Ray McCorkle Chrysler Dodge Jeep.

"It's put-up or shut-up time for us. So, here, have a Sebring that looks like it was designed by that terrible blind singer from American Idol and Thurston Howell's wife Lovey. No seriously, take the keys and drive away. Please ... I'm begging you."

McCorkle also pointed out several other piece-of-shit models on his lot that would qualify for Employee Pricing Plus Plus Plus Plus Plus — the Jeep Compass, the Chrysler Town and Country minivan and the low-selling Dodge Dent.

McCorkle isn't sure whether or not the new plan could help the company in the short-term. Chrysler is expected to either be bought by Italian automaker Fiat or face Chapter 11 bankruptcy.

Still, he soldiers on.

"We've got five plusses. Where else the hell you gonna get that many plusses?"