Monday, September 14

Area entrepreneur’s dick-flavored chewing gum all the rage in some circle-jerks.

Columbus, OH – Jimmy Timmons is a gay entrepreneur, not that there’s anything wrong with that.

At one of Jimmy’s recent gay get-togethers in the Short North, he introduced all of his gay friends to samples of his latest entrepreneurial creation — Jimmy Timmons’ Dick-Flavored Bubble Gum.

“I could immediately tell the difference.” A gay friend named Johnny said. “I mean you can’t blow a bubble with a cock in your mouth … at least I can’t! The flavor though was indistinguishable. The texture, spot-on. It was smooth, velvety, and delicious.”

So far, only a few “gay man on the street” blindfolded dick-taste tests have been conducted, but flyers and leaflets have been posted all over town posing the eternal question, “Why blow your friends when you can blow ten-inch bubbles?”

Right now the gum only ‘comes’ in Caucasian, but after more “research” plans are in the works to introduce a variety of other races, including convenient “Asian bite-size.”

As it says on the package: This stuff really blows!