Tuesday, February 23

Backrub going nowhere.

Heath, OH — Unfortunately for local lothario Tom Wilkens, a planned night of coital bliss doesn't appear to be in cards.

Wilkens, full-time trade school administrator, and part-time masseuse, is using his patented 'midnight massage' to entice his girlfriend of 11 months, Joy Blattner into a session of long-overdue sexual intercourse.

Blattner appears to be tired and uninterested, but Wilkens presses on — kneading her shoulder and neck muscles with his thumbs and fingers.

Wilkens focuses intently on the area between her shoulder blades. The ploy results in a satisfied groan from Blattner who then rolls slightly to her side. Emboldened, Wilkens continues down the spine to the lower back and buttocks.

Blattner rolls even farther onto her side, nullifying Wilkens attempt at a stimulating ass rub.  Wilkens then tries a patented reach-around to the stomach and chest region. Sensing trouble, Blattner blocks his groping hand with her elbow, pulls her pillow close under her chin and offers a curt "goodnight."

Apparently, she's not into it. Sorry, Tom. Better luck next time.