Thursday, February 18

Unorthodox Jew lowers interest rates.

Columbus, OH - Moishe Rosen, 57, owner of Shylock Finance, has lowered the rate of interest on all outstanding loans from a near-usurous 20.9 percent to 6.9 percent, effective immediately.

Area customers can't believe it.

"I can't believe it!" One said.

When we asked Rosen what's gotten into him, he answered in more orthodox fashion, with a question of his own.

"What's gotten into me?"

Rosen's mother, whom he surprisingly doesn't even talk to everyday, said Moishe simply decided he doesn't need a pound of flesh from every one of his customers.

"Times are tough ... though I've had them tougher." She said, pointing to a vaguely readable set of numbers tattooed on her forearm.

"People think they know Moishe." A close friend from the Country Club added. "They'd be shocked to discover he's a pretty darned good athlete, especially on the racquetball court ... I think they'd also be surprised by his tiny nose."