Area cannibal gives Barbara Ganoush “3 stars.”

No longer missing 

COLUMBUS, OH – John Doe is a psychopathic cannibal. He's asked us not to use his real last name so he can remain out of prison, out of the electric chair, and on the hunt for the delicious flesh of unsuspecting victims in Columbus and its tasty surrounding areas.

“I found Barbara back in 2013 outside a campus bar, completely out of her mind.” Doe said. “Well not completely, thankfully. That’s the best part!”

Barbara Ganoush, 48, has been missing since 2013, her disappearance first reported by a Grove City landlord.

“She was a little on the heavy side, but that’s what really gives the meat its flavor. There was some nice marbling there.” Doe said, rifling through the industrial-sized freezer in his basement. “Have you ever tried someone from Grove City? Tastes a lot better than you’d think.” 

Doe’s freezer is stocked with bits and pieces of the young and old. “I try not to let anything go to waste.” He says. “Oh wow, come look inside here. This giant freezer bag has your name on it. That’s so weird!”

EDITOR’S NOTE: This was the last dispatch of Ledger reporter Ed McMuffin. If anyone has information on his whereabouts, please contact us immediately.