Monday, October 8

Hickory Farms now supplying majority of Detroit Tiger bats.

DETROIT, MI (FP) — Most Major League bats are made from maple or hickory wood.  A growing contingent, however, are now made from beef and ham by-products created by Maumee-based legendary food gift company Hickory Farms.

Tigers clubhouse manager Jim Schmakel began ordering the custom-made meat bats prior to the team's playoff push in early September, after catcher Gerald Laird made an impassioned power point presentation to clubhouse management.

"Apparently, there's no Major League rule about using a bat made of delicious summer sausage." Schmakel chuckled. "And they send a a few dozen cheeseballs and cranberry mustards with every shipment."

A generous supply of both cows and trees have made the bat costs surprisingly comparable.

Some of Laird's teammates were skeptical about using the processed beef sticks until they saw how well the ball jumped off them in the crisp Michigan fall air.

Goes well with Whiskey.
"You never forget the sweet, wet sound when you slap a baseball with a giant, 35-inch beef sausage." said third baseman and recent Triple Crown winner Miguel Cabrera.  Cabrera's MVP-caliber hitting really took off after he switched from regular corked wood bats to the new corked sausage bats.  "And they make a tasty treat in the dugout, too."

In addition to providing a source of power, the bats are also another clubhouse source of calories.

Each bat contains approximately 3,211 calories and 422 grams of fat.

Teammate and vegetarian Prince Fielder thinks the switch is much ado about nothing.

"So Jhonny Peralta eats about two bats a game, so what? It's not like he plays a physically-challenging position, like shortstop."

When informed Peralta was indeed the team's starting shortstop, Fielder tried in vain to hide under a clubhouse bench.